Hobbies? What hobbies?
When asked about hobbies, new moms don’t often know what they are into anymore. In early parenthood years, in can feel like entire parts of yourself get pushed to the margins in service of the needs of your children. In my last blog post, What would you do with a day off?, I offered a brief exercise for identifying activities or hobbies you enjoy to provide you with a reference point. You can use this information for when you are planning your week or season or year and get these things on your calendar.
Becoming a parent is a huge change in how you spend your precious resources of time, energy, attention, and money. With this major shift, it can feel like a threat to your identity. If you’re no longer doing the things you used to do that made you feel like yourself or made you “who you are”, then who are you?
As someone who played sports all my life, I deeply identified as an athlete. I still do. And yet, I haven’t played a sport regularly in about 7 years. Not because I couldn’t have signed up for a sport and had the support of my husband and family to take the time for it, but because it felt like such a big ask to take the time. It felt like so much more work to sort out, and oh, the guilt I anticipated feeling if I took time for myself.
I am still very much working to untangle this thought process around hobbies and taking time for myself, and I know the importance of it. That having things that are just for me, feeling self-expressed, feeling like a unique individual out there in the world is not just good for me, but is essential to my wellbeing as a human. And yet I still find it challenging to make space for it. Because becoming a mom didn’t just add a new piece to the larger puzzle of my identity, it somehow has reshaped, replaced, and eclipsed many of the other pieces. A new layout has emerged and I have been doing my best to find ways to reclaim some of these pieces.
Some of the pieces I am currently taking action to reclaim:
playing an organized sport
outdoor activities (with or without my kiddos) - getting a new bike this spring!
dates with my husband - we recently started having lunch dates every Friday, it’s the best
reading books - I now have a book club with a couple of girl friends
training with more specific performance goals - ex. chin ups, longer run distances
socializing with friends (without my kids)
doing restorative things - ex. booking a massage, going to the chiropractor, getting to a yoga class, meditating, breathing exercises
doing creative things - drawing, writing, cross stitch etc.
When I look at this list, I still get anxious about all the work it takes to make these things happen in my actual life. I struggle with taking the time for myself. I get exhausted just thinking about the work it takes to organize, decide, sign up etc.
This is why I created Moms Day Off. I wanted to provide a space for you to take a day to recall those parts of yourself and experience an opportunity to play, explore, reconnect, restore, and enjoy yourself. Without having to plan the whole thing.
I recognize it will take planning and effort to be able to take the day, so I want you to feel like once you are in the car on your way, you can let go and allow the structure of the day to support you. Let someone else take care of you for the day!
I hope you can make it.
xo Sydney
Come spend a day in the mountains mama…
Join me for a restorative 1-day retreat in the mountains! I have curated a day that includes time in nature, movement, and reconnection with yourself. Not only will you walk away from the day feeling refreshed and recharged, you will also take home some practical stress management tools from our session, “Understanding Anxiety, Depression & Your Mental Health in Motherhood” with Ashley Brodeur from The Feelosophy Therapy.